Can Kindness Turn a Pack of Foxes into a Team?

The taming that changed everything...

In the 1950s Soviet Union, an unlikely place for a kindness experiment, scientist Dmitri Belyaev launched a radical study. He chose a surprising subject: silver foxes, a species known not just for their shimmering coats but also their aggression. These animals are wild, sharp-toothed, and anxious around humans, bite-first, flee-second by nature.

Belyaev’s experiment aimed to uncover what happens when you select a species not for its strength or survival but for its friendliness. He began breeding only the foxes that showed even the smallest signs of tameness, those that wagged slightly or didn’t flinch when a human approached them.

Belyaev’s team continued this breeding experiment for decades. Within just a few generations of the silver foxes, the change was jaw-dropping. The once-fearful foxes now ran up to humans, licked their fingers, and wagged their tails like puppies. Their ears flopped. Their faces became rounder. They barked to get attention.

Kindness wasn’t just a behaviour; it was reshaping biology. The twist? This wasn’t just about foxes, it was about us.

Kindness didn’t just evolve; it engineered us

In their book "Survival of the Friendliest," evolutionary anthropologist Brian Hare and science writer Vanessa Woods argue that humans underwent the same transformation as Belyaev’s foxes. We self-domesticated.

However, instead of scientists making the selection, it was society in our case. Over thousands of years, humans began to favour and reward those who were better at cooperating, bonding, and calming group tensions.

We selected for kindness by:

• Aggressive individuals were often excluded, punished, or rejected by the group- social penalties that reduced their influence.

• Those who could comfort a baby, calm a fight, or negotiate peace were more likely to be chosen as mates, leaders, and allies.

• Over generations, we didn’t just get better at cooperating; we got biologically wired for it.

Just like the foxes, our species began to change. Our faces flattened, and our bodies became less muscular than Neanderthals. Our brains evolved larger prefrontal cortices, enabling us to regulate our emotions and read others’ feelings.

This self-domestication didn’t just make us nicer. It made large-scale cooperation possible. It allowed us to build villages, raise children together, trust strangers, invent moral systems, and create civilizations.

Our ancestors were like the foxes who wagged. They were chosen. They passed on genes of empathy, bonding, and cooperation. And that’s why we’re here.

Raising kind kids in a win-first world

If cooperation is how kindness scaled, if it’s what allowed humans to build families, tribes, and civilizations, then why do we so often treat it as optional?

We tell our kids to be kind. But we also teach them to compete. We encourage sharing. But quietly reward being the smartest, the fastest, the one who finishes first.

On the playground, kids notice early: teamwork is praised in theory, but solo wins get the spotlight. In group projects, it’s often the loudest voice, not the most collaborative one, that gets heard.

But here’s what we need to remember as parents: Cooperation isn’t an add-on. It’s how our species has always survived and thrived. Cooperation shows our children that kindness isn’t the opposite of ambition; it’s how they’ll collaborate, earn trust, and win in school and in life.

Do our kids know kindness is a team sport?

It starts with the everyday language we use. The way we frame kindness in our homes can either keep it small and polite or let it grow into something powerful and shared. Here are a few simple shifts:

• Instead of: “Be kind so others like you.” Try: “Be kind because that’s how friendships and teams grow strong.” This reframes kindness from approval-seeking to connection-building.

• Instead of: “Did you finish first?” Try: “Who did you help, and who helped you?” This helps children notice and value mutual effort, not just individual achievement.

• Instead of: Celebrating only solo wins, Try: Telling stories of shared success, whether it’s a group project, a relay race, or including someone new in a game. This makes cooperation visible and kindness something that builds things, not just pleases others.

The goal isn’t to raise kids who are just “nice”; it’s to raise kids who know that kindness is how we build lasting things: friendships, teams, communities, and trust.

Kindness is a team sport. Let’s raise kids who play it well.

Raising kind isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it. See you soon with the next issue of Raising Ki(n)d.

Gaurav G