The Two Words That Ruin Kindness

Mid-week recommendation

Last week, we read how generosity is probably the smartest life hack and that giving to others activates the brain’s reward centre, releasing the “love chemicals.” But generosity isn’t just about giving money or things; it’s also about emotional generosity, which is the ability to connect with others genuinely.

As parents, we are naturally protective of our children. We want to comfort them when they struggle, teach them to see the bright side and help them move forward. But sometimes, in our effort to be encouraging, we say two little words that shut down the connection instead of building it:

“At least…”

• “At least you got to play for a little while.” (When they’re sad about going back home)

• “At least you have other friends.” (When they share issues with a particular friend)

• “At least you’re not as bad off as…”

We mean well, but these words can make kids feel unheard instead of making them feel better. They turn a moment for empathy into a lesson in comparison.

This short but powerful video is an excerpt from a TED talk by Brené Brown, where she explains why true kindness starts with understanding others at an emotional level. The video beautifully illustrates the difference between sympathy and empathy.

Sympathy is “at least…”; empathy is “That sounds tough…”.

When our children feel truly understood, they develop emotional resilience. This is not because we force them to “move on” but because they feel safe enough to process and grow. This helps build their kindness muscle without the flab of sympathy.

Kindness starts with connection. And connection starts with empathy. Let’s help our children build the empathy muscle.

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